Dill Pickles @ Midnight

I find that I come up with most of my thoughts- ideas- stories- rants- raves in the wee hours of the night or when I nowhere near my computer. Most of the time, nothing makes sense...at least when the thoughts are out of my head. I had this idea of writing a blog about how I turned 25 this year but wasn't ready for the big day. How I don't feel established enough to be 25 years old. How I would like to stay 24 for one more year. How 25 will be my year, big things are going to happen (I hope). Then I got more ideas about coming up with resolutions for all my friends. Or even pouring out my heart and soul about life, love and the pursuit of happiness. But seriously, life, love and the pursuit of happiness is practically nonexistent when your days are spent locked up in the library reading journal manuscripts or going to bed on weekends at 10pm in order to recover from another hectic week.

Even now, as I sit here with no distractions, all those thoughts I had minutes ago are gone. Writing has never one of my strong suits...hence an English major bff with unlimited ideas for me :-)

-One more semester plus an extra month or two then it's all over. Back into the real world. Can't wait. With no commitments to any one place, I have a world of opportunities available to me. Although I know where I would like to be. Do you?
-I love my friends, don't get me wrong, but I love coming home and spending my evenings doing nothing. Yep, sitting on the couch watching Man vs. Food (wait, is that really different than any other Wednesday night?) or reading a book while wrapped in my zebra printed Snuggie (it was a present, I swear!). This is my lazy time because Lord knows it'll all change in a matter of weeks.
-I love the snow. I love it even more when I have something to do in the fresh snow. Winter was more enjoyable when we went sledding or slooding. Now everyone works and is too tired at the end of the day to head to the hill at Southwestern. Someone, anyone, please!! I want to learn to ski or snowboard! I can snowboard on my Wii but I have a feeling it's extremely different when the factors of nature are actually taken into account.
-I've had a 4 and a half foot Winston Pine Christmas tree, including ornaments and lights, under my bed for the last two years. Next year will be the first time I get to set it up. I think this has me more excited than the idea of actually finishing school!
-Pink Coach, White Chanel...enough said.
-Currently reading "The Gospel According to Biff". Hilarious. Keep an open mind while reading it, don't take it too seriously. It's just a story...a funny one at that.
-Open your eyes, please. Don't make me recant all the good things I've said...not again.

It's actually a very funny story...you should ask

**24 Things To Do If You're Going To Fail An Exam Anyways**

1. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
2. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.
3. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.
4. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.
5. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
6. Every 5 min. stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.
7. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
8. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.
9. If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the longest proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.
10. Try to get people in the room to do a wave.
11. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.
12. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2 rice cakes into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if necessary.
13. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"
14. Do the entire exam in another language.
15. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.
16. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"
17. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.
18. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.
19. In the middle of the test, have a friend rush into the classroom, tag your hand, and resume taking your test for you. When the teacher asks what's going on, calmly explain the rules of Tag Team Testing to him/her.
20. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."
21. Stand up after about 15 minutes, and say loudly, "Okay, let's double-check our answers! Number one, A. Number two, C. Number three, E...."
22. Wear a superman outfit under your normal clothes. 30 minutes into the exam, jump up and answer your phone, shouting "What? I'm on my way!!". rip off your outer clothes and run out of the room. strike a pose first for added effect.
23. Tailgate outside the classroom before the exam.
24. If your answers are on a scantron sheet, fill it out in pen.

The Final Stretch

This is it. Another semester is coming to an end. Exams, papers and projects are all due within one week of each other.

And I'm spending my evening watching Man vs. Food on the Travel Channel. I will NOT feel bad about this in the morning.

Ever since Thanksgiving break, especially with a trip to Georgia thrown in prior, I have not been motivated to do much work. I've been avoiding the library since I practically lived there before my trips but am afraid I must return for an all day trip tomorrow. With three exams in a two day period next Monday and Tuesday, I suppose I should start reviewing my notes soon :-/

At this point, I can't help but think that I get to leave Springfield to go back home to MI next week. After about three and a half months, I finally get to sleep in my own bed! Wait...not just my own bed. A real bed!! This air mattress thing is getting kinda old but I guess I should be grateful that I have somewhere to sleep each night.

Since I have not been doing much studying recently, I have been able to comprise a breif list of some favs...

"I Hate Christmas Parties" by Relient K
"Franklin" by Paramore
"Possibility" by Lykke Li
"Friends" by Band of Skulls
"Bad Romance" by Lady GaGa
"Haven't Met You Yet" by Michael Buble
"If My Heart Was A House" by Owl City
"The Only Exception" by Paramore
"Ain't No Rest For the Wicked" by Cage the Elephant
"Shooting the Moon" by Ok Go
"Deathbed" by Relient K
"Electric Twist" by A Fine Frenzy
"Hey Soul Sister" by Train
"Smile" by Uncle Kracker
"No Sound But the Wind" by Editors
"Georgia on My Mind" by Michael Buble

What's a Partridge? What's a Pear Tree?

I don't know so please don't ask me,
But I can bet they are terrible gifts to get!

Christmas is such a wonderful time of the year. I love the snow. I love red and green together. I love turning on my Christmas music loudly and singing at the top of my lungs.

What is one thing you love about this time of the year?

I finally broke down yesterday and bought Relient K's Christmas album "Let it Snow Baby...Let it Reindeer". I don't think I've stopped listening to it since!!
I saw this music video a few weeks ago and think it is absolutely adorable :-)

Secret Sunday

So it's not really Sunday but I had to share this...

I love postsecret.com and it's one of the first things I check when I wake up on a Sunday morning.


"I'm a lot better before you really know me"
"I act like an idiot 'cause...I don't know...'cause I have a void in my heart"
"My wings are too big to be tied down"
"You've occupied my thoughts for two & a half years...& every thought ends with 'if only'"
"It's out there. & it's so much bigger than I imagined"

Nooma 001- Rain

Believe it or not, I feel that crying is good for the soul. That sudden release of emotions can feel so liberating. Crying is not admitting to weakness but admitting that you are human and not strong enough to handle life's problems alone, that help is needed.

For the first time in a long time, I fell to my knees crying this weekend. The stress, madness, and overwhelming feelings over the past few weeks (despite that I had two breaks away from Springfield) hit me hard. I've felt like I've been riding such an emotional rollercoaster, similar to the Millennium Force at Cedar Point! The ups and downs of homework, papers, exams and friends truly has tested my patience, my loyalty....and my faith. My faith that God would not let me feel this hurt, stress and loneliness for no reason at all.

I fell to my knees crying this weekend and finally gave it all to God. Something I struggled with through college was giving up only what I wanted. "Well, God, you can have this. But really, I know what I'm doing with this, let me handle it". Sound familiar? Don't lie, you know you've gone through the same thing. I want to give it all to God because I know there is no other way for me to get through the challenges of every day life. I don't want to stress myself out over the little things, over situations that I do not have control over. So if I put it in His hands, then I know that whatever comes of it is His will, not my own.

Rob Bell talks about how we don't need to have our lives perfect and all-together in order to have a relationship with God. He calls us out to come to Him broken, with all our messes and our junk. And when we cry out to God, He is near. I thought I had it all together, although some days I knew I didn't. I guess I never really had it all together to begin with. So I finally held out my hands with all my junk and dropped it in His hands. "I can't do this alone anymore. Take it. Do with it what you want. But please don't let me get hurt again."

Chocolate Cheesecake Candy Cane Bars

Apparently I need to do more baking that requires me working for scratch, no more breaking off squares then placing on a cookie sheet. I think this will be my next adventure...

Ingredients
Crust:
20 chocolate wafer cookies
3 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted
1 tablespoon sugar
1/2 teaspoon ground coffee beans
1/4 teaspoon fine salt

Filling:
8 ounces semisweet chocolate, finely chopped
8 ounces cream cheese, room temperature
2/3 cup sugar
1/2 cup sour cream
2 large eggs, room temperature

Glaze:
4 ounces bittersweet chocolate, chopped
2 tablespoons unsalted butter
1 teaspoon light or dark corn syrup
2 tablespoons sour cream, room temperature
1/2 cup crushed candy canes (see Cooks Note)

Directions
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Line an 8-inch square baking dish with foil.

For the crust: Process the chocolate wafers in a food processor with the butter, sugar, coffee, and salt until fine. Evenly press the crust into the prepared dish covering the bottom completely. Bake until the crust sets, about 15 minutes.

Meanwhile, make the filling: Put the chocolate in a medium microwave-safe bowl; heat at 75 percent power until softened, about 2 minutes. Stir, and continue to microwave until completely melted, up to 2 minutes more. (Alternatively put the chocolate in a heatproof bowl. Bring a saucepan filled with an inch or so of water to a very slow simmer; set the bowl over, but not touching, the water, and stir occasionally until melted and smooth.)

Blend the cream cheese, sugar, and sour cream together in the food processor until smooth. Scrape down the sides, as needed. Add the eggs and pulse until just incorporated. With the food processor running, pour the chocolate into the wet ingredients and mix until smooth.

Pour the filling evenly over the crust. Bake until filling puffs slightly around the edges, but is still a bit wobbly in the center, about 25 to 30 minutes. Cool on a rack.

For the Glaze: Put the chocolate, butter and corn syrup in microwave safe bowl. Heat glaze in the microwave at 75 percent power until melted, about 2 minutes. Stir the ingredients together until smooth; add the sour cream. Spread glaze evenly over the warm cake and scatter the crushed candy canes over top. Cool completely, then refrigerate overnight.

Cut into small bars or squares. Serve chilled or room temperature.

Store cookies covered in the refrigerator for up to 5 days.

That Is So Not Ideal

• Bridal Wars
• New Moon
• Lots of baking
• Biggest Loser update
• Kung Fu Panda
• Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade
• Dinner and conversation
• Fat pants
• The Game Plan
• Elf
• Manis/pedis
• Shopping
• Sushi- awkard turtle?
• Pumpkin curry soup
• Pomegranate red hands
• Christmas lights
• Miller Ale House- definitely upside down awkward turtle
• A broken dryer
• Ferry ride
• Singing nearly the enitre WICKED soundtrack

Two Week Vacation

The past week and a half has been great and the next week looks like it's going to be just as good. I was finally able to get out of Springfield for a few days and go to Georgia to stand in Debra's wedding. I can't believe she's married!! We had so much fun catching up on life and and enjoying each other's company, along with the company of her other bridesmaids. What a great group of girls!!

Sadly, Sunday did not produce as much excitement. During my trip back to New England, I had a layover in Atlanta. During my flight from Savannah to Atlanta, we took off through rain clouds and hit turbulance. BAD turbulance!! So bad that for the first time in my life I actually started crying on a plane and almost started hyperventilating. Thank God for the woman sitting next to me and her motherly instincts. She took my hand, rubbed the back of my hand gently and kept me telling me that everything would be okay. I actually starting praying that if this was my time to go, that God would make it fast and painless. What a scary experience. I vowed that I would not fly for at least a year only to have my hopes crushed when I remembered I have to fly to Florida for spring break with the softball team. Any volunteers to hold my hand?!

I seriously had one day back in Springfield only to go on vacation again!! Last night, Tobie and I drove to Long Island to spend Thanksgiving with her family. For the second year in a row, I have been unable to see my own family at this time of the year but have been able to spend the day with some wonderful families. But Thanksgiving vacation did not start with one more adventure into Boston. Judge me, I don't care, but I love Harry Potter!!! I was treated to a trip to the Boston Museum of Science to see the traveling exhibit and see over 200 props from the movies up close. I loved being the nerd and explaining some of the props!! Plus I don't think I stopped laughing or smiling all day :-)

PS Sorry I told ya about Hedwig :-/

Mr. and Mrs.

Today is Debra's wedding day! What a fun weekend we have had so far and I'm so happy to be a part of her big day :-)

"Oh, yeahhhhhhhhhhh"

Happy Anniversary

Last week I celebrated an anniversary. Granted, it was only two months but I still see it as a milestone. I never thought we'd make it this far and I have nothing but confidence that we will make it even farther. Like every couple, we've had our tough moments. Comfort wasn't offered when it should have been and words have been exchanged. But the good has outweighed the bad. I know that every night I can turn to my significant other for warmth and the sense of reassurance at the end of the long day.


Happy Anniversary....to my air mattress.
Thank you for being there for me every night since returning to Springfield. I look forward to the many nights we will share together in the future (only because I can't afford to buy a real bed).

Out of the Box...Out of Control?!?

• Watching ghost shows Friday night while alone in the house
• Running 3.1 miles around campus in my 80's outfit
• Finally getting to be a punk rocker...but no flowers in the hair
• Wolverine and Harry Potter, who is NOT from Brazil!!
• 2 hours at Lucky's..."my boyfriend gets out of jail next week"
• It's hot, it looks good
• That kinda sunny, kinda not sunny weather...cloudy?
• Doin' the stanky leg
• Eating the skittles off of the poor kid's birthday cake
• Don't pay for cups, bring your own water bottle or just take a cup from the cupboard
• Attack of the purple teletubby
• That special treat that matched my purple tights
• "Are you going to lick the paper?"
• How do you feel about black...YES!!
• Hit 'em in the down, take his shins
• Shivering in the cold but waiting to talk ;-)

To an amazing weekend

49- Superior

Katie putting on my awesome headgear; "I think I found my Halloween costume"

Strapping on the tubes for my oxygen intake and output

Mentally psyching myself up to run for a crowd

Running at 8mph, close to sprinting!

This is one project I would always be willing to volunteer for :-)

Remaining Semester Schedule

Kinesiology

-7 lab reports

-1 group presentation

-2 exams

Exercise Physiology

-5 lab reports

-1 bibliography

-1 presentation outline

-1 draft of slides

-1 group presentation

-3 exams

Philosophy of Sport

-4 worksheets

-3 papers

Sport Psychometrics

-2 presentations

-1 rough draft

-1 test critique paper/presentation

Research Statistics

-4 assignments

-3 exams

**Thesis proposal before Christmas Break

**Savannah, GA November 18th-22nd

**Long Island, NY for Thanksgiving Break

**Scheduling JV Softball games

Proof of the madness

Ringors. Size 12.

I have this box. When I first received this box, it contained one pair of softball cleats for another college season. Now the box contains something more special. Letters. Cards. Notes. One liners that helped me get through my days. Paragraphs that kept me strong during the hard times. And little treats and stickers that always put a smile on my face. I keep this box next to my bed so that when I start to feel discouraged, I can look back at all the great things that happened during college. The box is near overflowing and another box will hopefully be needed soon.

I have no idea what began this moment of reminiscing. I guess I took at look at my life today, where I’m at and how far I’ve come, and began to think of those four years at Olivet. Boy, were they awful. But at the same time, they were the best four years of my life and I wouldn’t trade one minute of it for the world. While going through college, I thought that was it. I thought nothing could get better or worse than what it already was and that I was ready to rule the world. The majority of my four years were spent in anger at the world. It took a lot to really lift my spirits but so little to set me off (unfortunately, my senior year roommates can confirm). Once I got out of college, honestly, out of Illinois, I realized that I missed a lot of good times because I was too busy being mad at nothing. Well, not nothing. I feel that most of my feelings were justified but I could never speak out to why. I couldn’t never say, “I’m mad”, “I’m hurt” or “I’d rather yell at you because I know when I wake up tomorrow, you’ll still speak to me like nothing happened”.

My point is…life is good. No matter where you are or what is going on, things could always be worse. There is always someone who is a little worse off than we are. Although there have been a lot of changes, for the good and bad, over the past year and a half, I can say with almost 100% guarantee that I love life. Not quite 100% because I always feel like there is something more I could or should be doing. Because I know there is always room for improvement.

I love my friends here and what they have done for me. They offer unique experiences that I cannot get from anywhere else. At the same time, I miss my friends I left behind. “Dance Parties”. RBT. Puppy chow. Slurpees. Everything that those four years brought with it.

I am gratefully for the opportunity to move forward, to move on with life and leave the past behind. But some days, the past is what puts the smile on my face.



“Being single used to mean that nobody one wanted you. Now it means you’re pretty sexy and you’re taking your time deciding how you want your life to be and who you want to spend it”

Day 1: Complete

Today was my last first day of school...and I couldn't be more excited! Getting back in Springfield and around my friends has been such a pick me up. I feel as if we were never really apart and have just picked up right were we left off last year. I was a bit fearful for my life walking around campus Friday, I thought a group of freshman and their parents might run me over.

And as much as I hate to admit it, I was a bit saddened Friday, too. I was on my way to the store and when I came to Roosevelt, I turned left. I didn't turn left at Roosevelt very often during the last few weeks of school, I always turned right. Knowing that I will rarely turn right, I have to keep telling myself that it's a good thing, kinda makes me miss last spring.

Anyways....one last hurrah was had on the beach in Long Island! I was finally able to fix a few nasty tan lines and spend even more time with my girls (minus Jess ~sad face~). We went to Tobay with Tobie :-)

PS This will most likely be the semester from Hell. A typical graduate student carries 9 credit hours....I'm taking 14 credit hours!! Along with hopefully begining my research for my thesis. I wasn't really mentally prepared for classes today but that doesn't matter. My girls and I were just as obnoxious as every and I know Murdawg missed us!!

I was Born a Ramblin (Wo)Man

Not really...

I was told I don't blog enough. Know why? Because I'm not witty enough to make these very interesting but I thought today I would give it a shot. I've picked up the tendency to write in bullet point from Stub, plus it's so much easier.

• The summer of 2009 is almost over and it's hard to believe. When I came home May 14th, I thought the next three and a half months were going to go by soooooo slow! In about three and a half weeks, I have to drive back to Massachusetts. I have been able to relax, spend time with family and friends, and recharge for the craziness that is to come this fall. Unfortunately, it's also been a lazy summer. I received my proposal at the end of May from my prof. in order to edit format and content. I have yet to read anything that my prof. suggested editing, my paper has actually collected dust! Oddly enough, I'm not stressed out about this one bit....yet.
  
• September 8th begins, what I'm praying for, my last year of graduate school. Even though it was tough to leave the good job I had in Chicago and the relative short drive to my friends, I believe that relocating to Massachusetts is one of the best decisions I have made. I have to work harder than others in my program because I have undergrad classes to make up, I have to learn how to balance my social life and school work (again), and I have had to learn where to draw the line. I love my school. I love my friends. But I will work my butt off to complete my thesis in order to graduate next May and rejoin the real world.
  
• I have spent every weekend traveling since I've returned to Michigan but this next one is for me. Tomorrow I leave for Palm Springs, California to spend a week with my uncle and aunt. Even though I saw my aunt for two days last month, the last time I had any significant time with them was two and a half years ago when my brother got married. I'm looking forward to seeing the mountains, seeing the ocean in Marina Del Ray (maybe a celebrity, too!), and attempting to beat both of them in Wii bowling. I think I may have trashed talked my uncle too much before realizing how good he really is...he really may send me home crying :-(
  
• After 9 years and committing never to return, I did just that summer when I agreed to be part of the coaching staff for the Finesse 10U team. I loved it!! I never thought I could coach, let alone 10 year olds, but helping developing such young talent and hopefully deepening their love for softball was a lot of fun. Of course there were the moments of stress and frustration, that will come no matter the age or organization. But I hope I have given these girls unforgettable moments, because I know they gave some to me.
  
• CONFESSION OF THE DAY:
  I love planning my wedding...even though I'm years off!! One great thing about being able to attend friends' weddings is that I can get ideas of what to do, what not to do, how to act, and definitely how NOT to act! I enjoying wedding websites where I can look at dresses, colors, and tuxes. I drive by churches and think, "That parking lot would be big enough for all the cars" or "I wonder if that church has a center aisle". Crazy? Maybe. But I've always been taught to be prepared ;-)

I allowed some of my Finesse players to do my hair. Um...that may or may not have been a good idea. It was very painful taking out the hair ties, braids, and brushing out the spots were hairspray was shot at my from point blank range.

At the team pool party, the head coach had gotten some treats for everyone. Each player finally got a personalized trophy after being jipped all summer long, the coaches got personalized plaques that say we are state champsions, and even blankets with everyones name listed. But this was the best gift. I received a framed team photo that all the girls and coaches signed :-)

Emily and I after a rainy wedding. Despite the torrential downpoar, thunder, lighting, and rearranging of chairs and tents, Emily and Michael had a beautiful ceremony.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE A SOFTBALL PLAYER...
* Pre-wrap is no longer for injuries but for your hair
* You only shave your knees and thighs becuase thats all you can see with your uniform on
* Your favorite part of the season was getting your new bat
* When wearing knee socks and sandals are actually considered cool
* Blisters, cuts, and scars are for show
* You haven't been to Church on Sunday for years
* Someone asks you what you do outside of school and the only other activity you can think of is Softball
* All your white clothing has some kind of brown tint to it
* Your batting glove starts to smell like onions/corn dogs/and old people
* Your sliding pants/short have to be torn to shreds before you'd ever get new ones
* You've classified "the softball field" as its own scent
* Sunflower seeds and Gatoraid become their own personal food group
* Long socks are your best friend
* When a "short trip" to your tournament takes 2 hours
* When you're summer softball team practices in winter
* Waking up at 8 in the morning for a tournament game is considered late
* When McDonalds should start paying YOU to come eat there
* When your asked for directions you give them according to the nearest softball field
* When you discuss the different types of dirt on different fields


REASONS TO DATE A SOFTBALL PLAYER
1. We use our hips for power
2. We make sure to touch every base before scoring
3. We can handle it fast, hard, or slow
4. We can be in 9 different positions for 75 minutes
5. We play with big sticks and bigger balls
6. We aren't afraid to get dirty
7. We let the visitors be on top
8. We're always up for extra innings
9. We are encouraged to "score early" and "score more"
10. We're good with our hands
11. With us you're always SAFE!
12. We keep the lights on for night games
13. We have the perfect grip
14. We can handle the heat
15. You get three strikes before YOU'RE OUT
* BONUS: We have double headers every Sunday*

The Bourb

I love Bourbonnais. I love the people and the enjoyable moments that come with it. I'm not ready to leave tomorrow for MI and I'd rather spend the remainder of my summer here. Maybe I'll be led back after graduation (next May?) for an amazing job opportunity and more time with those I love dearly.

Maybe?

Guilty Pleasures

So many things make life more pleasurable, more enjoyable and worth going thru. These are simply some of my favs...

• Tanning with my girlfriends while watching the boys play frisbee
• Late night drunken phone calls from St. Louis
• Blue slurpees
• Putting my college players thru the same drills Ritchie put me thru
• Wendy's frosty
• Judi's dogs: Cinderella, Princess, Jack
• Marshall Mathers
• Reading in my backyard
• 7am workouts with LeeAnnie
• Twilight
• Ribbons in my hair
• Vacuuming (I like watching the cylinder fill up!)
• Kelly Clarkson blasting in the car
• Sunday night volleyball
• Guitar Hero and Wii
• Yelling at my 10 year olds to hustle
• Tubing at the cabin
• Wedding planning (even tho that's far from happening!)
• Ghost Adventures, Whale Wars, Bridezillas, and Say Yes to the Dress on DVR

Everybody Wants a Thrill

I saw this video and for some reason, fell in love with these kids

Woofah. Woofah.
WoofahWoofahWoofah!

I love my 10 year olds

Falling Behind!

So much to catch up on. Let's keep it simple, shall we?

• Spring break begins in two days. On Friday, I depart with the SC softball team to spend a week in Kissimmee, Florida for games. Unfortunately, I don't get to spend the games in the dugout but instead in the press box keeping stats. At least I'll be in Florida where it's in the 70's and 80's!
• Chicago was well needed and by far, one of the greatest weekends ever. I was honored to be a part of the wedding of two dear friends and I had more fun that I imagined (as much as I hate to admit that). All weekend long, I witnessed God's love and faithfulness in our lives. It's hard to say that I will never doubt God again, that's not possible. When I begin to doubt God and His will, all I need to do is remember what He did in their lives.
• The first part of my thesis is due this week...I still have 10 more pages to write! It's my own fault for putting my Literature Review off for as long as I did but my motivation has been lacking. I feel bad for my peer who has to review my paper. To whoever you will be: because you are reading this before our prof., I will have more mistakes because you won't be grading my format, only telling me how many APA errors I made!
• I hate my washers and dryers! I attemped to do two loads of laundry this afternoon so I could wear what I wanted to practice tonight but my plan was foiled. Instead, I have a giant pile of wet clothes in my room that can't be returned to the dryers until after 8pm tonight, more than five hours after my first attempt to dry them!
• NOTICE: I'm obsessed with Twilight. Judge me, I don't care. There's nothing wrong with a good love story that gives you an unrealistic expectation of men. Well, there actually may be something wrong with that. I have no shame in sending my two Twilighters an ungodly amount of Bumper Stickers a day all related to how attractive Rob Pattinson is and/or how the series has taken over my life. I can't wait to throw my Twilight party to watch the DVD!!
• After having a weekend of 60 degree weather, we were hit by another snow storm on Monday. On Sunday, I walked outside in my capris and a sweatshirt. By the next day, I was wearing my winter coach, mittins, and ear covers. Like I said previously, Florida is in two days and can't come quick enough.
• As of now, my plans to return to MI for the summer haven't changed. I will not know until April 30th (kinda cutting it close!) if I need to make different plans about where I will reside for the following three months. I'm actually looking forward to spending a lot of time with my family and friends. Well, one friend since LeeAnnie is my only close friend I have in the area! But three months in MI only means a road trip to IL and IN!!
• I love cereal. That's all there is to say about that. I could eat a bowl of cereal for every meal for the rest of my life if I had to!! I've already had two bowls today and feel completely satisfied.
• I was introduced to Summer Heights High last week and have been quoting the series ever since.

"Welcome to Mr G.'s room, G's room, G's room."
"My name is Jessica but some kids call me a slut"
"I said, 'Puck you', Miss.!"
"Ecstasy. Ecstasy. E-E-E-E-Ecstasy"
"You'll fit in, there's so many Asian's there."

Prayer for the Day

Oh, Lordie. What a week it has been and I'm not sure what the weekend has in store. Let me just get to the point(s)...

• Keep me awake in class this morning. I nearly fell asleep on Wednesday and can't afford to miss part of the lecture today.
• Let me keep my mouth shut and only open it when necessary. Exhaustion limits the functioning of my filter and I cannot be help responsible for what is said.
• Patience. Patience. Patience. Explanation is a part of the job now, even though I'm not used to it. Help me to explain well and not get too frustrated.
• It's going to be crazy tonight but let me enjoy myself without the need of any assistance...you know what I mean. Last time, well, let's not repeat.
• Don't let me read too much into the little things. My mind runs wild like a freight train and it cannot be stopped. Let's just have fun!
• It would be awesome if I could catch up on all my lost sleep this weekend. The only time I really seem to sleep through the night is when I'm alone. If I can enough rest now, maybe I won't be too tired when the cycle starts again in a few days.
• Strength. Enough said.

Helpless

I've always felt that I've been fairly good at offering comfort. Whether it's saying a few words or giving a hug, consoling someone is what I like to do. To give the feeling that they are not alone and that someone will be there to help with whatever life is throwing at them at the moment. Tonight, I had the complete opposite feeling.

This morning, a young girl was found dead in her dorm, apparently suicide. When I read the campus-wide email that was sent out making the announcement, I felt a twinge of sadness but continued with my morning because it was not a name I recognized. You know, it only takes a small snowball to start rolling down a hill to create an avalanche. The Varsity softball team was on a retreat this weekend but was woken too early in the morning to receive the news that the young girl was the roommate of a player. Seeing the player break down had an apparent affect on the rest of the team and other coaches. The young girl was also a manager for the women's basketball teams, where two of my JV players have been spending the past few months getting to know her. There was then the debate about whether or not we should still have study hall but it wasn't cancelled. How can you not cancel?! I mean, I understand that the team should spend some time together and talk to the Athletic Counselors if necessary but how badly I wanted to tell them to stay home!

The avalanche didn't hit me until I walked into the conference room with about 8 Varsity players. What was I suppose to say? How was I suppose to act? I couldn't pretend like it was just another Sunday because this was clearly not another Sunday. I tried to walk to the back room where my JV players we at but I simply walked away. I had to sit in the lobby, try to read my article, and not cry. Cry because most of the girls are hurting. Cry because I couldn't ask how they were feeling. Cry because I wanted nothing more to hold each one of them, tell them it will all be okay, and that I love them dearly. No. Instead, I played with my highlighter while I read a TIME magazine from last September about McCain's campaign trail.

I love to comfort. But when that is taken away from me, I'm left standing alone. But I suppose that standing alone with my arms open, ready to offer a hug to anyone that will accept is better that sitting with my arms wrapped around me tightly, refusing to listen only because I wasn't immediately affected by a tragedy.

My Favs

"Second chances they don't ever matter, people never change.
Once a whore you're nothing more, I'm sorry, that'll never change."

"Cause I'd rather waste my life pretending

Than have to forget you for one whole minute"

"If you let me I could,

I'd show you how to build your fences,

Set restrictions, separate from the world.

The constant battle that you hate to fight,

Just blame the limelight."

"Don't know what I want

But I know it's not you

Keep pushing and pulling me down

But I know in my heart it's not you"

"Stand up be a man about it.
Fight with your bare hands now."

"This one's for originals

Who strike out towards the great unknown

Fear not the missteps, take the falls

The rock you find will be your own"

"Everybody freeze - don't step over the line

Don't stand up, they'll shoot down the first one who tries

Try to change the world, they'll think you're out of your mind

Revolutions start when someone crosses the line"

"I watched his wildest dreams come true, not one of them involving you.

Just watch my wildest dreams come true, not one of them involving..."

"I should never think what's in your heart,

What's in our home but it's all I want

You'll learn to hate me but still call me baby

Oh, love so call me by my name"

"She said, "Walk on over, yeah, to this bit of shade, I will wrap you in my arms"

And I stay "Let me sign, let me sign.""

North? South? East? West?

For quite some time, I have struggled with the direction of my life. I felt as if I was on the right path for a while, following the crowd after graduation by getting my own apt, a full-time job (well, full-time hours but definitely not full-time benefits), paying my own bills, and determining that I would stay in one spot for a few years. But after a matter of months, I knew the path I was currently on was not the one for me. So I made the extreme choice to quit my well-paying job, losing the one benefit I had, pack my life in boxes, and move over 600 miles away from my roots.

Here is where that choice has led me: I am a 24 year old graduate student living in Massachusetts in a school-owned house with two roommates and I eat at least two meals a day in the dining hall…by myself. In more ways than one, this as actually been a good thing. Some of my loans are deferred for another year and a half, I don’t pay utilities (just an arm and a leg for room and board), and I don’t have to worry about having enough groceries to make it to my next paycheck. Also, I finally have been able to get my foot into the door of the coaching world thru the college.

Unfortunately, these positives don’t always way out the negatives I feel most days. I usually don't have any trouble getting thru my days, my mind is distracted by classes, homework, that first mile on the treadmill, and the occasional text message. But the trouble comes at night, the time when my head is to be rested upon one of three pillows. The part of my day that is suppose to be restful becomes the most troublesome, this is the time where my mind hits 150mph. Not only do I replay most of my day, but I begin to think of tomorrow, and next week, and next month, even next year.

But the thoughts that are the most painful to bear at the "what ifs". "What if I stayed in the city?" "What if I wouldn't have let go?" "What if I did let go?" I am aware of what is going on around me and in more ways than one, I feel left out. I can't help but think that all of the choices I have made within the past year have been the wrong ones. And it's not just me who conjures up those feelings but those closest to me. Being around family Christmas Eve was almost unbearable. I eventually hid out in the family room with the kids playing Rock Band just to avoid any more questions about my life.

I can't help but think of "The Woods". Growing up, my friend and I would spend the nice days in the woods near our houses and hang out in the fort. We would take the same trail each day because it had been worn down so much due to our constent trecking back and forth. Everyone who went to our fort took the same trail, we never strayed because it would have taken longer to manuver thru the fallen trees.This is the trail I image when I think of life. While the majority of society follows the same trail thru the forest, I have decided to veer off and create a path of my own. I am going to continue to trip over the fallen trees and uprooted stumps that block my way, but this trail is mine. At least I was the one brave enough to step away and do something that many others don't.

All that I know is I'm breathing

From LiveJournal to Xanga to Blogger...
I can't ever keep these straight, let alone keep up with any of them!
I'm not witty enough to make these entertaining. Others make me fall out of my seat laughing but I bore myself attempting to write one entry.

Let's start with something simple:
-After a 2 year stint 9 years ago and vowing never to return, I will rejoin the Finesse Softball program this summer as a coach for the 10U team.
-16 weeks until the semester is over and I get to see my parents again. When I returned to MA last Saturday, I parked in front of my dark, empty house and became homesick for Flushing.
-JV softball practice begins in a matter of weeks and I'm fearful that I won't be able to coach the girls as well as I want. What if I'm considered a joke?
-It took one question thru Facebook from someone I haven't spoken to in a very long time to realize that I'm losing who I am in Him.
-I am not afraid to admit that I have a borderline obsession with Harry Potter and Twilight. I don't care if you look down on me for it, just let me enjoy this while I can. "Sleep, my Bella. Dream happy dreams. You are the only one who has ever touched my heart. It will always be yours"
-Would you rather have your hand nibbled on by a cannibal or your eye poked out with a sharp stick?

When love is gone, there's no arms to run to anymore
I'm all alone, there's no one for me to live for
Letting go of the things I've always clung to
That's when I need to feel that I belong to you